honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
