Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
