Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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