I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
