I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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