wakey wakey hands off snakey
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
