does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
