I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
