Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
