she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have already put on my inside pants.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
