Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
