He is an equal opportunity slut.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
