Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ladies don't puke and tell
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
