I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
