in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
