Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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