So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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