She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
