well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
