and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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