I just made out with a guy for $7.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
