so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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