please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
They should really pass out barf bags in church
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
