As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it was like eating out sand paper
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
