i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
