Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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