neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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