Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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