my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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