he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
