hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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