problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
