she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
