we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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