She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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