She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
