I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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