you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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