I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
