you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize