Already got asked if we're dating
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize