Porn is love you can see.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
