Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
