ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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