In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The ass gains better be worth it
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
