my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize