I heard we made out
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
