I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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