he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
