If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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