Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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