Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
