chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
