How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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