He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
