I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
