I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
