My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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