dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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