That's intense
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
