I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
