trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
