how can u be prego again
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
