I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
