im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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