what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
