its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
