Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
