some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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