You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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