Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize