Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
