I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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