i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
