winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
