with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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