So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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